5 years time, you might just prove me wrong.

And there will be sun sun sun all over our bodies
And sun sun sun all down our necks
And there will be sun sun sun all over our faces
And sun sun sun so what the heck


olá,
peço que faça este e mail chegar até nosso filho, obrigado.
querido filho,
tenho consciencia de que o que ofereci e ofereço para voces, meus filhos, é o que tenho para dar, pois ninguem dá aquilo que não tem em si.
também, querido filho, me considero um aprendiz da vida, pois jamais desejei e desejo que os meus erros fossem vir a ser respaldo para os deslizes existentes na vida, e na vida de voces meus filhos.
como homens adultos aprendemos que somos responsaveis pelos proprios atos.
eu te amo. voce é meu filho e eu sou seu pai, sempre 
FOREVER.
com carinho TEU AMIGO E PAI,
TE AMO MUITO.


Five years time
I might not know you
Five years time
We might not speak

In five years time
We might not get along
In five years time
You might just prove me wrong

tanta coisa aconteceu desde..

im wondering. am i over you? was i ever into you? there's so much a person can wonder but so little they can 
actually record. personally, i think you're being childish. and how you call me childish makes your childish
status go WAY up.  I don't know. I don't know what I'm writting. It's been a while since i've written. It's been a 
while since i've written the way i've been wanting to. I went back to loosing myself for a while. Especially when
I lost you for good. But i'm slowly finding myself and my thoughts again.. I've always been a smart girl. I always
find my sanity after i endulge in loosing it for a while.


I'm pretty sure i'll go back to this and finish.. pretty sure.

note to self;;

Take it easy, but not lazy.

Liberarme de las preocupaciones.

woke up to beautiful, melancholy sound of this expected rainstorm. 
woke up to a beautiful familiar face next to mine. i could smell her kindness, her warmth, her lovingness; getting it's self free from her inside, from every pore and every breath she breathed next to me. i could literally feel it. and i still can and do as i write about it. little does she know, i stay awake trapped in self-hatred thoughts, just to watch her sleep composedly next to me.
her tranquility vibes the entire room. i woke up with thoughts improved. rain outside brings out some clarity in my head. seeing no footsteps, no kids playing, no one walking their dog outside makes me more comfortable being in this desolation. 
I've figured out my plan of escape. 
laying all drugs, selfishness, lies, negativity aside, is how i will follow my plan.
We tried to talk through, hardly using any words, but still one dies more and more as we make sound of pronunciating the words that were to come next.. I still ask myself why i ever took a chance of screwing what we had up. How could a human be so selfish in their own way? 
To a liar, only God can come up with the consequences. 
Life is a lot more valuable then we make it seem, we just have to fight for it.. 
A noite chega fria e silenciosa
Um recado de quem vive
A vida é muito mais valiosa
Então tem que lutar, tem que lutar
Para ti ganhar

After a few more pathetic tears and taking apart the braids in my hair from last night, I decided to make something out of this. A ziggy marley song started playing on my playlist. and never has a song's lyrics just showed up in a time when i needed it. and damn did i need it. i said a prayer to God. got around to do some productive things around my house.
But it all goes back to thoughts about me and you again.. 
i was wondering, do you ever wonder if you just, miss me around at all?

little girl's strength has run out this morning. 
8 minutes till it's officially the afternoon. 
9 more hours till it's officially nighttime and i get to rest my over-thought thoughts.
12 more hours till it's a brand-new day.
for now i take this day the way it is, with my head up...



Take a look into the sky
'Cause the world is not so pretty
Free myself from worries
So I can see
It's just a beautiful day
It's just a beautiful day

You could be sad
But I rather you not be
Don't dwell on the negative
Just the positivity
And it's a beautiful day
It's just a beautiful day
- http://www.vagalume.com.br/ziggy-marley/beautiful-day.html#ixzz1Ix4ijYuu

;;

things are getting better..
but why do i still think about dying?

anything else but the truth.

isn't it funny how when one thing goes wrong, suddenly EVERTHING is going wrong.

make this just a whisper to you. 
i don;t deserve to be heard in loud voice.

i took all our stuff down yesterday. it's not that i don't like you, it just makes me sad whenever i see it.

i feel better every hour. if i light a blunt by my lonesomeness.

i was hoping to never wake up again, my insomnia has chosen me to be her new best friend in the dawn. sleeping is my only savior right now, then i wake up. wanting to die again.

My mind would always go back to California. i think it's closer and closer. but then again, there's always, death.

It's beyond infinite unfair what she did to you. But you sir, are over-reacting. Some people don't look within a lie. don't look to see why the person would even think to lie to you in the first place, what where they defending? Maybe there's a reason for the lying. maybe there wasn't. i continue to whisper to the souls who still remain interested in my misery. im lost and you need this. this desolation. What happens only time will tell.. A lie may take care of the present, but it has no future. What i write is nothing you think you know. what i write always arranges better inside my head then in words to be read. 

I just know i have never met someone as honest, truthful, beautiful, and Oh, God how much i miss and regret ever loosing you.  Just know there is hope, people can change, their soul mind and heart. If nothing ever changed, there'd be no butterflies. 

"The chance to make it last, has come and gone.

I don't think that she noticed that there was anything wrong at all
Finally, I'm free to leave."

frère et sœur

im learning patience. im learning my heart. im learning freedom. 
im retour oublier le temps, mettre en doute les sentiments, et l'auto-me retenir de toutbonheur.
you never forget who you really are... no matter how many nights you stay awake trying to.


i bet it sucks to be you. i bet you wish you had a soul. i bet you stay up all night alone and spiritless.
and God how much it hurts to know no matter how rock bottom life gets for us, i will always no matter how big the shit hits the fan, i will consistently, 4ever, and ever, without exception, love you and be there for you.
But for now, just for now, it hurts. 


//currently trippin' to thisss

.

No sé qué demonios estoy haciendo.

la ciudad no me dan la bienvenida de una manera agradable anoche.

mis palabras a él sólo no tienen ningún significado más. a veces, la mayoría de veces me gustaría poder empacar todas mis cosas y se van.

Yo quería un cambio, así .. Ya lo tengo.

tratando de abrazar todo esto.

i'm giving people the permission to

leave me alone for awhile.

till i'm ready with some explanation, some truthful defense.

leave me alone with my thoughts, my energy, my everyday breath of fresh air, my bible scriptures, my habits, alone with my problems, my car, my mess, my weed, my empty wallet...

leave me the hell alone. 

Like'a baby.

i don't know.
hopefully some changes coming soon.
i don't feel comfortable this way.

God made it easy.

-happy mondays lyrics.
contemplating on using blogger more, and getting back to some photography.
it's useless because i usually end up never doing anything with the photos i take, they mount-up on my hardrive. and the scribbles i write, ends up being read, years or months after, finding it stupid, i delete. i still don't know in wich language to write. it'll probably be a little of both.
but I'm gonna do this. I've been becoming idle to the things i used to like, and enjoy. I've learned a lot about myself since I've been back in the United States. I've been unreliable to the internet too, which to me, was good. yea, I'm gonna do this once in awhile. I'll start it. maybe next Monday. Mondays are good for fresh starts. I have this theory with one of my best guyfriend, that goes something like 'Segunda-feira é dia de mudar a vida'. Mondays are made for life changing decisions. or, Monday is; day to change life. 
     i'm also contemplating on becoming a gypsy, or maybe i'll find a cave and use it for my leisure time, leaving shit behind.
. grabbing my fellow and living outta a caravan with flowers in our hair, bells on my feet, dirt under our toes. it's funny how youth talk about this, leaving our world behind, to be "f r e e" and live "natural" and "all you need is love". phuuck that. i'm waiting for my time to actually come, my soul to overtake my thoughts. i'll be like my mother was for awhile. I'll make jewelry, sell it while i travel with my better half, bathe in rivers, use peoples internet connection illegally.. the best part is, i, we, won't contribute any money to the government. n we'll be fo'eva luvin' Jah. but this is all teenage dirtbag talk.


right now i gotta face my problems and my life the real way(for now). 
I'll start dealing with real life Monday. i heard it's good for starts..

beijos.

key.

readers. add this, perhaps.

http://greenlibel.blogspot.com/

made a pact.

i'll be with you even though we're far apart.

it's something else.

funny how life has changed.
 to where I am, who I am, from where I was, and who I was, about a year ago, has all changed.
There's nothing wrong with you. 
 

what matters is what i understand.
not you.

 
Well I'm so sad tonight.
And the words won't come out right.
It's been a long day on the track.
And its stamina that I lackSo won't you run to me tonight?

So won't you run to me tonight?
But I'll only ever be a middle distance runner

Tonight could turn but we're just lovers

too late.

sometimes the simplicty of being honest is what people need most sometimes you just need to be real with your feelings.


 i shouldve asked, i shouldve been direct, i shouldve completly let you know what was going on.

Sorte de hoje

: Hoje pode ser um dia excelente e maravilhoso - só depende de você

unexpected paradise and bizarre frienship.

the 5 of us, drove around Porto Alegre from mignight to 6am, in search for the cheapest motel for this band photoshoot. with a broken radio, the streets pouring rain and thunder, with no more then a camera, pure smoke, and adrenaline in our veins. we never did find that motel. on second thought, we did find it.. we contemplated on which was more dangerous at the moment, leaving the car parked outside, or getting some type of unexplained disease from the inside of that motel. I mean.. the place wasn't even lit with a neon sign. By this time, we were all fed up with everyone locked inside the car, pouring rain.. but we didn't let that stop our aimless drive. what we did find was enough; unexpected paradise and bizarre frienships. We might've not have found what we wanted at the moment. Even if none of us can tell each other what happened accurately, all i know, it was what we needed, individually.

the one and only shot of the night.

Mr. Writter, why don't you tell it like it is..

damn it.

i think about writting in here at least once a week. to keep little scribbles of my new life in new places..

but i'm just so lazy, and everything makes more sence inside my head then it all written down.

im so damn irritated. the weather is perfect out. hot air, thunder and little rain.

I can't stand talking about weather anymore.. studing meteorology really got to my head. how much you can learn and look at the weather differently now, is priceless. i look at it understanding everything that is happening, or what will happen, and why it happened. it's no mystery to me anymore. i used to like mysteries.

I'm in a point of my life where i think to myself "im so happy, why am i so damn happy?!"

theres nothing better then feeling good to be right where you are.

I have made some amazing friendships here.. there's not one day that when i set my feet on the streets, i feel unsatisfied with life. I don't feel like a stranger anymore. I wouldn't trade Porto Alegre for anything else, this moment.

Mas tenho certeza que este sentimento irá toda mudar, eu sei como eu sou, sei como minha cabeça é fodahh, um minuto to bem, no outro to pessima.

i woke up in the worst attitude today possible. i can't stand broken plans, man. dont tell me your gonna do something and then not acomplish it. i don't ever roll like that.

I got a new addiction; ipod to my ears, a spliff in my mouth, aimless walks through the city with my nikon.

here's what it leads to..